Getting To One-Nineteen

I know I haven’t written in many days but I am trying to get back on track. I’ve been fighting with myself a lot because I keep trying to get back on track and I’m failing continuously. Have I given up because I’ve been binge eating everyday, even though I tell myself to stop? I can’t seem to stop. I try moderation, I fail. So I try starvation, big surprise I failed at that too. It’s like I don’t care even though I know how much I do. I can’t seem to overcome my mental block but everyday I’m still trying. I’ve gained back nearly 10 pounds. Probably more since I didn’t weigh myself today. My parents had a party on Friday, so I’m sure you can imagine all the junk food I ate this weekend. I’m trying very hard to hey back on track. I’m trying to remember why I’m doing this, I’m trying not to compare my progress with my friends, with those on tumblr. I’m trying to remember what it was like to be healthy. I know that I had come so far, and I’m not ready to throw all my time and effort away. I deserve to be happy and healthy. I deserve to lose weight, and I really hope when I’m feeling at the bottom of the barrel I can remember this. Because I do. I don’t just want it, I need it. I can do this, I can do this the healthy way, I just have to get back into step with myself. I know I can.